Some of us were dealt a tough hand; maybe we grew up in loveless environments being put-up with rather than parented by distant damaged grown-ups, or maybe we grew up with a lot of pressure, unfair comparisons and criticism. Consequently we entered the adult world unskilled emotionally, and ill prepared for life. For a few years we may have seemed to wing it by being the life of the party and/or the people pleaser, unconsciously doing what it took to stay out of trouble and harvest a few grains of approval. We may even have managed to get a decent education and outwardly appear confident and successful; but somehow inwardly we never felt like the real deal.
Patterns & Sabotage...
In time we notice recurring patterns; we attract the same kind of people again and again, although they may appear different at first; we repeatedly find ourselves being drained of our resources both emotional and material. We may eventually lament that the world is full of users and abusers, envy the ‘lucky’ people, or simply bury our heads in the sand and keep pressing the repeat button.
Or we may chose to change the pattern by recognising that we learned from early childhood to neglect ourselves and that through the course of our lives we've risen through the ranks to become our own number one enemy, specialising in unconscious self-sabotage.
Learning new behaviours...
The benefit of recognising this is that we can remove the chains of victim-hood and begin to do something about it. We can begin by building our own self-worth and getting back in touch with our instincts, the gut feelings that we've learnt to suppress. This takes time, patience and compassion. We may struggle with dealing with the pain of recognising our emotions and this may require the help of a therapist in order to feel safe to do so. Learning to love ourselves for the first time as an adult is a challenge because instincts drive us towards what’s familiar even when it’s painful and damaging; moving towards healthy attitudes and behaviours will take some practice in order for them to become our new familiar default.
Start by calling a truce, no more self-criticism and self-loathing, let’s lay down the Arms. Learn to meditate and practice mindfulness. Through regular practice we can develop the skill of meeting ourself at the centre of our being and doing so with good intentions. As with any truce it’s recognised that wrongs have been done, but there is hope. We don’t go there to rake over the past we go in the spirit of creating a better future. We acknowledge that we are a multi-faceted human being, we’re not perfect and nor are we meant to be. We acknowledge that we can take control of the person we want to be, and work constructively on being the best version of us that we can be. We listen to our own inner voice with new found respect, compassion and empathy.
Claim our territory...
The first call to action will be to build our boundaries. Understand where we end and others begin and own our own territory. Our values become our laws, we can explore what they are and if necessary shift our self into alignment with them. This becomes our best line of defence, when someone sets off the alarm by trying to impinge on our values; we know now that these people are not for us. That uneasy feeling we get sometimes when we’re around certain people, that’s the alarm going off, we’ll now learn to listen to it, it’s very rarely wrong.
When our boundaries are in place we are safe to explore more deeply within. Self-Hypnosis can be used to explore our inner-being in order to reconnect with our inner child. When we are ready to connect with our inner child we are truly ready to extend our truce into a long lasting and meaningful peace. If we accept that all children deserve to be loved, we can no longer withhold that love from ourselves. Understanding that our inner child has patiently waited for our acknowledgement, acceptance and love and opening our hearts to her is an incredibly cathartic process. When we connect with that child our instinct to care for her, protect her and respect her is triggered and we can finally integrate with her.
Our consciousness alters and moving forward we see ourselves differently, we understand that we have something precious within that needs to be nourished and loved. Our life choices now carry that consideration. How much more natural it will feel to make healthy choices when we are considering the impact to our precious inner being. How much easier it will be to recognise the importance of protecting ourselves against abusers. We no longer need to suffocate in toxic relationships because we are terrified of abandonment; we have reconciled within and know at the deepest level that we are enough.
Once reconciled we operate at a different level, we are fully integrated beings and we therefore begin to attract different kinds of people into our lives. The predators that seek to pick out the vulnerable now leave us alone because they instinctively recognise that we are impenetrable to them.
When we reach this point we are at peace and our borders are secure.
* As a therapist I often guide people along this journey of deep inner reconciliation, resolving unfinished business and recognising not only the inner child but the now resident adult that can take care of that child. If you'd like some help in navigating this journey using Hypnotherapy combined with Psychotherapy please don't hesitate to give me a call on 0435 923 817, or you can contact me using this contact form
Melbourne Hypnotherapist Georgina Mitchell of Hypfocus Therapies has a practice in Mentone, South East Melbourne , Skype appointments are also available.
* Results may vary
Georgina Mitchell was born in Ireland, moving to Australia in 1989. Georgina spent many years working in senior management in the Corporate world, before leaving to pursue her passion to become a Therapist.
Please note as with all therapies, Results for Therapies delivered by Hypfocus may vary from person to person