Trying to work out what needs to change for your life to improve? Ask yourself these questions (part 1 of 3)

Welcome to the first in a 3 part series of questions designed to prompt a review and re-evaluation of where you are in your life right now.  The questions are general and perhaps only one or two will resonate with you.  They're intended to inspire thoughtful reflection with the goal of positive change where applicable, and ultimately empowerment.    As a therapist I help many people explore these issues, we can  become very bogged down in aspects of our lives, and this is where Therapy can help people get unstuck and decide upon the direction they want to take once free. Sometimes we can be caught in self-defeating patterns of behaviour without even realising it, awareness is as they say the first step on the road to recovery. 

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1. Are you spending your time on the wrong people?   If you are, start phasing them out of your life today!  Life is too precious to flush into the bottomless pit of people who drain the joy from you. If you’re constantly bending over backwards to accommodate someone who never seems to have room for you, it’s really not worth it.  The people worth having in your life don’t make you feel like you’re in a lottery to win their attention.  If you’re doing all the work for someone that doesn’t value your efforts, it’s time to resign the position.  When life delivers those valuable lessons about who is there for you when it really counts as opposed to who’s there when the good times are rolling, be ready to learn. Save your time for keeping and/or making true friends.
2. Do you run away from your problems? If yes, start facing them head on.  It may not appear to be the easiest option in the short term, but ultimately it always is.  We all stumble and fall throughout the course of our lives, some problems may never be completely resolved, but there’s always a lesson to learn.  Life is meant to comprise of a range of experiences; upset, sadness and hurt are inevitable and enable us to grow, be empathetic and connect with others; they're also what makes life’s joys all the sweeter. We learn and grow from every heartache and setback; if open to it we become better people.
3. Are you honest with yourself? Lying to others is bad; lying to yourself is a recipe for misery.  One of the biggest lies is pretending you can’t hear the voice inside you telling you you’re on the wrong path.
4. Do you put your own needs last? Are your hopes and dreams constantly deferred because you always put a loved one first? Isn’t love supposed to be reciprocal?   If you’re expected to express your love via constant sacrifice, is it love on your part or fear of abandonment?  Being kind and considerate to others are wonderful attributes, but it’s equally essential to be kind and considerate to yourself.  A truly loving relationship would have that built in. If you live in someone else’s shadow before long they won’t even notice that you’re there in the darkness. Don’t become invisible, follow your heart and pursue your passions , this makes you a more authentic and well rounded person and a wonderful partner to share your life with right person.
5. Are you being yourself? As Shakespeare said “To thine own self be true. It’s not easy, particularly in a world of mass production.  Ironically sometimes the people that make this most difficult are those insisting  that “they are who they are” and  then insist that everybody else must conform to their way too.  Don’t try to fit into the moulds other people lay out in front of you, the discomfort will eventually become too much to bear.  Be who you really are and the right people will love you.​
6. Are you still beating yourself up about things that happened in the past? Maybe your relationship didn't work out, or your career isn't’ where you thought it would be. Sometimes it’s the wrong turns that point us in the right direction and ultimately result in  us finding the perfect partner or dream job.  We all make mistakes and have struggles, that’s where we find our strength and resilience.  Everybody makes errors of judgement, however we don’t have to let them define us. We  can let our miss-steps inform us. Every experience you've had will help to prepare you in some way for the next..
7. Are you living in the past?  Whether you’re reliving past triumphs or wallowing in the miseries of yesterday, until you make the choice to learn the lessons, live in the present and plan for the future your life is going nowhere. The key word there is CHOICE! Onwards and upwards :)
8. Are you afraid of stuffing up?  Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more constructive than not doing anything.  Every successful person has left a trail of failures in their wake; treat any failure as a learning tool/stepping stone. People regret what they didn't do far more than what they did..
9. Are you trying to buy happiness? We are bombarded with marketing campaigns both overt and subtle all selling the dream of happiness in the form of a designer bag, flashy car or slick home.  What we often realise too late is that true happiness never has a price tag, it comes from human connection, love, laughter and living in alignment with our values.
10. Do you believe your happiness will come from someone else?   One of the great truisms is that in order to be happy with someone else you must first be happy within yourself.  This can be challenging as we are instinctively social beings. When you try to draw happiness from someone else rather than sharing your combined happiness in each other, you reduce yourself to the role of 'happiness parasite', this does not bode well for a sustainable relationship.  In order to form a successful relationship it’s prudent to establish a true sense of love and acceptance of yourself and to have stability in your life; this is what forms the foundation for your relationship.

* Did any of these questions ring any bells for you?  It's of course not a fully comprehensive list but rather food for thought.  If you'd like help in making any of the changes that you feel are necessary to get or keep your life on track, whether it's managing Anxiety or Depression, increasing your confidence, staying on track with your goals, losing weight or even to quit smoking I can help.  Call Hypfocus Therapies on 0435 923 817 now, or use the  contact form at this link.  I'm located in Mentone, South East Melbourne, Skype appointments are now available for people that can't get to my consultation room in person.  As an experienced Hypnotherapist, Counsellor and Life Coach I can help you get to the bottom of the thinking patterns and behaviours that are preventing you from living your best life.  In just a few sessions I'll help you create new more productive patterns that will see you begin to blossom into your full potential. 

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