Grief and Loss Counsellor Melbourne

 The pain of loss and separation will touch us all at some point in our lives.  There are many things that cause grief – marital/relationship breakdown, unemployment, emigration, ageing, retirement, loss of health and death.  Losing a loved one through death is the ultimate cause of grief.
 Bereavement is a major life crisis in the sense that life will never be the same again. However, even though things will be different, it is possible to get through the grief and go on to have a fulfilling life.
 Grief is a normal response to the death of a loved one. It’s been compared to a raw open wound which will eventually heal but leave a scar.  Few of us are prepared for the long journey through grief which is sometimes overwhelming, frightening  and very often lonely.
 The grieving process
​While no two people are exactly the same, grief typically follows a process of experiencing an emotional response to loss, coming to accept the loss and learning to live again.  It follows certain patterns, but as previously stated is  unique to each person experiencing it. Some people will experience all the associated “symptoms” associated with grief while others will experience some but perhaps at different intensity.
 Often the first reaction to hearing of the death of a loved one is shock, disbelief and even numbness, this can ever occur when the death has been expected. These feelings are all quite normal and can act as a natural sedative to allow time to realise what’s occurred.  There are varying lengths of time that these feelings last from hours to days.  Some people continue keeping busy and doing their normal activities accepting the death but not realising it emotionally.  It’s helpful if possible to talk about the circumstances of the death.
 As the numbness begins to subside the bereaved person experiences the pain of grief both physical and emotional.   The extent of the pain will depend on who the person was and how strong the relationship was to the person that died.  It’s important that whatever the degree of grief that feelings are not suppressed.  It’s entirely normal to feel very sad, anxious and even fearful
 There may be concerns about how they’ll manage without them both emotionally and financially, they may worry about their own death. There are many worries that may arise and it will help to talk them through.  Feelings of loneliness, helplessness, anger, apathy and longing for the deceased person, these feelings may be very strong.  There can also be feelings of relief, particularly if the death occurred after prolonged illness and suffering requiring ongoing care.  In some instances if the deceased was overpowering or possessive there may even be a sense of freedom.  Often emotions are confusing and conflicting.
 Anger is common during grief and may be overpowering and create a sense of loss of control.  The anger can often be directed at several people even including the deceased person, suppressed anger can really fester and damage a person.
 Often bereaved people will experience profound regret and self-blame about things not done and words not said, this can lead to feelings of guilt.  Usually when these feelings are discussed it’s found that all that could have been done in fact was.
 There are sometimes physical symptoms (usually temporary) that grieving people experience e.g. loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, feelings of hollowness, nausea, tightness in the chest and throat, sensitivity to noise, breathlessness, muscle weakness and  loss of energy.   There can be loss of memory, confusion a sense of detachment.  It’s common to dream of the deceased or to mistake people seen on the street for them.
 It can be a period of many adjustments to environment, responsibility, social groups.
 As hard as it is to believe you will get through the pain of your grief and reach acceptance.  There’s no set time for this to happen.  People that work with the bereaved report that even people in the depths of despair do with time and effort recover and go on to lead full and rewarding lives. 

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What to do
 Suppressing grief does not make it go away.  Friends and associates may seek to distract you because avoiding it is more comfortable for them.  It takes courage to grieve as it is often hard and painful.  A counselor can help and encourage you to talk about  and process your feelings and be heard in a caring and confidential way. It is natural to feel loss,  and when experiencing loss support is all the more important.
If you think we could be of assistance and would like to book a counselling session with us please call 0435 923 817 or use the contact form below
 Some tips for people experiencing grief:

• Don’t compare yourself to others bereaved.
• Ask for, and accept, help.
• Feel free to protest the ‘why’ of death.
• Accept your feelings.
• Be patient with yourself.
• Let yourself feel the pain.
• Forgive yourself.
• Take time to laugh and cry
• Be good to yourself.
• Try not to make life changing decisions during the first year
• Do an activity which supports your mental and physical well being e.g. go for a walk, chat to a friend get a massage.

Our Counselling Service is here to provide Counselling Support for people experiencing grief and loss