Is online dating in decline?
I was listening to a discussion on Triple J radio yesterday about how young people are becoming increasingly jaded with and anxious about online dating.  People are sick of the swipe-left, swipe-right culture that has evolved since the inception of apps like Tinder.

What is the main pit-fall of online dating?
While online dating has been successful for many, it is perhaps falling prey to the same malaise which is occurring with disturbing consistency across every social media platform.  That is the rise of the Troll.   
According to "Psychology Today"  Trolls are narcissists, psychopaths and sadists.  Interestingly an ABC report from 2017 asserts that Trolls have high levels of cognitive empathy combined with psychopathy traits.  This high level of cognitive empathy means they know exactly how to emotionally manipulate people while also understanding what hurts people and not caring thanks to their psychopathy. They take sadistic pleasure in the pain they cause.
The comments section of any online post will reveal nasty remarks and baiting comments designed to trigger arguments.  We are becoming desensitised to bad manners and cruelty.    The impact of this is that more reasonable people are stepping away from online discussion resulting in a social distillation process which may eventually result in online dominance for Trolls.

Things to be wary of online
I believe this is also why the more reasonable and genuine among the dating hopefuls may be starting to pull away from the online-dating option.  If you speak to any seasoned online dater, you will quite likely hear of horror stories. These stories are so common that they have categories which include:
Ghosting -  someone who seemed keen  disappears off the face of the earth; 
Gaslighting  - someone manipulating them into disbelieving facts; 
Financial scamming  - the charming person who suddenly finds themselves without funds and asks for a few thousand, e.g.  to tide them over or help them out of an emergency
Love bombing  - the person that comes on strong loves you from the start, can't get enough of you, can't do enough for you and then as soon as they know you're hooked they change and become controlling.
Catfishing - they completely misrepresent whom they are, e.g. old men pretending to be young guys, married people pretending to be single, women pretending to be men and vice versa
Juggler (I don't know the term for this, so I've created my own) - someone keeping their options open by dating multiple people while implying to each of them that they are exclusive

Of course the above categories are not confined to the internet; however, the internet provides the perfect petri dish in which this kind of behaviour will flourish.  Indeed the novice narcissist can hone their skills by engaging with multiple victims, using each online interaction to polish their manipulation techniques.

Why does online dating make us more susceptible to being tricked than real life dating?
It's no wonder that people are jaded with this type of engagement.  Meeting someone online means that you initially have to accept the version they present of themselves as true; without the supporting evidence of seeing them in their natural habitat, at home, at work or socialising at sporting or community events.  Seeing people in real life isn't fool-proof; however, it provides more clues to their authentic self than a carefully scripted online profile, and the red flags, if any are often on display before your opinion of the person, becomes set.  The problem with assessing online dating profiles is that once we accept something to be true, it's usually hard for us to change that belief.   If we chat to someone online and take them at face value they are a lovely person; we may be more likely to ignore the red flags when we do meet them in real life because it creates cognisant dissonance for us.  Consequently, we are more likely to turn a blind eye to behaviour that doesn't fit with our pre-existing belief.

This online dating roulette has resulted in a large group of walking wounded people who've been misled by predatory narcissists, manipulated and hurt by the fallout of online encounters.  These people often suffer terrible blows to their confidence and self-esteem.  They may avoid dating altogether, or become isolated as they are not sure how to make connections in real life any more and are too wary of going back online.

How to reduce the risk

I work with many people that have had this experience, helping them rebuild or in many cases develop the confidence they've never had before.  It is always prudent to take your time on the dating scene, to dip your toe and carefully measure the temperature of the water; however, these days loneliness is so prevalent that the temptation is greater than ever to throw caution to the wind. I work with my clients to build up a greater sense of self-worth.  Self-worth heightens their instincts and connects their intellect to their intuition, this, in turn, makes them far less likely to dismiss red flags or put up with behaviour that is not appropriate, respectful or conducive of a healthy relationship. Healthy self-worth enables them to resist the seductive nature of a love bombing narcissist so that instead of being swept off their feet, their feet are kept firmly on the ground so that they can enter a relationship at a pace that is healthy and allows them to get to know someone accurately and safely.

Since I've started my Counselling and Hypnotherapy practice in Melbourne, Hypnotherapy has become increasingly accepted as the 'go to ' therapy for issues such as weight loss, smoking cessation and anxiety.  I want more people to learn how effectively  Hypnotherapy can help to improve their quality of life. Hypnotherapy does this by assisting them in learning to value and appreciate themselves and be the best version of themselves they can be.  Hypnotherapy allows people to self-reflect, resolve unresolved issues that have been keeping them stuck and connect them to their inner resources.

If you are recovering from a broken relationship, negative dating experience or just want to improve your confidence and self-worth, why not give me a call today on 0435 923 817.   My Clinical Hypnotherapy Practice is in Mentone, Melbourne.  I also see clients online  via Zoom or Skype



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Are you part of the sandwich generation? 

Do you still have kids at home, or childcare responsibilities for grandkids? All while juggling care for ageing parents? For many people this is reality. 

You've worked hard all your life yet now you  find that instead of looking forward to the easy life of retirement and finally doing what you want to do, you're suddenly expected to take on more (usually unpaid) work and stress. Kids may be struggling to afford to leave the family home, or to pay for childcare for their own kids,  parents may be showing signs of frailty and vulnerability, particularly to unscrupulous strangers/con-artists.  It's relentless, you feel as though you must be constantly vigilant  and frankly you're in danger of burnout.

As a society we have lost track of what really matters, we reward tax evaders and glamourise the gross accumulation and hoarding of wealth while we accept the decline of services in health, aged care, child care, education, housing and infrastructure as par for the course.  This of course if a fallacy, with proper distribution there is no reason why we can't afford to provide quality care for our young, elderly and sick. 

However, until society as a whole figures out how to get back on track with ensuring that human rights are respected above wealth accumulation, we have to figure out how to manage our own physical, psychological and emotional resources so that we are not spread so thin that we evaporate!
 
Self-care is of the utmost importance, many people have been conditioned to believe that this is selfish and that that is a negative thing, however some selfishness is essential to our survival.  Without self-care we deteriorate and we are no good to anyone.

It's time for each of us to start a revolution,  to decide it's our time.  To stop and reevaluate how we are living, how we are setting and accepting the expectations of others as our fate. How we would like things to change and what we’re going to do to effect that change.  


What action are you going to take?

What can you do to relieve some of the pressure on you starting today?  What do you do to take care of you?  How much time to you allow just for you? Do you have someone you can talk to?  Do you exercise?  Do you socialise? Do you practice  Mindfulness? All of these can help you rebalance and restore your energy.  Do you set boundaries?  This one can be tricky, however it's the most essential. 

You may find you need some help in this process, help with shedding the unnecessary guilt, help getting clarity about what you want and what's really been keeping you stuck, help working through all the complex emotions that the sandwich generation feels, anger, resentment, fear, guilt, sadness, regret, disappointment etc.  These are heavy emotions to carry and they use a tremendous amount of energy when they are unresolved, creating a lot of stress, negatively impacting your relationships and wearing you down. 

Therapy can really help with this.  Many of my clients find themselves at this crossroads in life, and feel incredibly stuck and overwhelmed, therapy allows them to work through the blocks and gain a sense of empowerment.  Hypnotherapy helps people reconnect to their own inner resources, to their own innate wisdom in order to find solutions that are often obscured by the blinding pace of modern life.

If you’d  like to learn how I can help you please feel free to give me a call on 0435 923 817, or visit my main website pages via this link.  I’m located in Mentone, South East Melbourne however I see an increasing number of clients via Zoom online so distance is no longer a barrier to getting the help you need.

#mentalhealth  #stressmanagement #anxiety #burnout #wellbeing #childcare #grandparents #dementia #generationx #babyboomers #depression #menopause #calm #mindfulness #retirement 

Have you thought about what you'd like to change or accomplish in 2019?  More than a New Years resolution, thinking in a more concrete way about how you'd like to plan your year.
Year's seem to go by faster as we get older don't they? We often arrive in December wondering where the time has gone and lamenting that we don't have a sense of accomplishment.
An important aspect of creating change that matters to you is establishing healthy boundaries.  For some people this is a new endeavor, however it's never to late to begin.
The table below gives a good illustration of healthy boundaries vs. unhealthy boundaries.  Many of my clients feel a little unsure of their own identity when they first come to see me, this is not at all unusual.  We forget that we can draw upon our own experience and values to create  our sense of self, and that we are all a work in progress.  Nobody is set in stone, none of us are the same as we were 10 years ago and we will be different again in 10 years time.
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Our Goals can extend beyond 2019, we can for example set 1 year, 5 year and 10 year goals then for each category decide what weekly and monthly actions we will take to move ourselves towards achieving those goals.
Whether you'd like to change a habit, save more,  travel more, laugh more  - whatever it may be, it pays to create a plan.

• What do you want more of in life? 
• What would you like to phase out?
• Would you like to be fitter?  What is your daily plan and how will you measure your increase in fitness?
• Do you need to save more money?  What is your  budget? have you worked out your expenses vs income?  Go through your expenses for the last quarter and work out where you can make savings.  (often the daily takeaway coffees, bought lunches, or dreaded cigarettes are what's getting in the way of a more substantial nest egg by the end of the year)
• Would you like to eat more healthily and perhaps lose weight?  What does your new shopping list look like?  Have you factored time for weekly food prep to cut down on having to use your willpower up making multiple decisions during the week?  Have you thought about healthy options when eating out and making new and better choices from more familiar menus.
• Would you like to be less anxious?  Are you taking active steps to help your brain reset to a lower anxiety level? are you exercising, practicing mindfulness, challenging your unhelpful thoughts?
• Would you like to be more confident?  What is your plan to silence your inner critic and be more compassionate towards yourself?

Everybody has there own path to follow and even the path to wellness is varied There is no one size fits all approach.  In the image above it advises not to skip breakfast , however for some people intermittent fasting is helping them achieve their goals.  Nutritious food, exercise and sufficient sleep are non-negotiables for all of us though in my opinion, with that in mind you do what wNutrition Matters in Weight Lossorks best for you.

One of my goals for 2019 is to learn an instrument either the guitar or piano.  I intend to begin around March as I have other goals to complete in the earlier months  Learning an instrument is good for the brain, as well as an enjoyable pursuit.

What do you think?

Hypnotherapy Melbourne at Hypfocus Therapies- call Georgina on 0435 923 817.
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Life is busy for most of us, however at this time of year it can really crank up a few more notches and if we’re not careful we can find ourselves feeling overwhelmed and in danger of burning out. 

 Trying to keep up with work or school, commitments to family and friends, household duties, pet needs and fit in exercise and self-care while still managing your budget can be very challenging.

There is a tendency to become swamped by expectations, both your own and the expectations of others.  We feel pressure to  create a perfect 'Xmas advert' experience but we are doing it without the aid of the budget, crew and photo-shop.


With that in mind I thought I’d compile a list of 10 tips to help you manage stress and overwhelm this holiday season:

1. Manage expectations and don’t overdo things. Particularly if you have kids, set their expectations according to your budget, and if possible let them earn some money doing chores to help out so that they can buy themselves something they want and learn a little about the value of money in the process.  Don’t fall into the trap of buying tonnes of stuff that will be forgotten by January (except for the nasty reminder on your credit card statement).  Start with a list of what you think you will need, then see how much you can reduce it.  Go back to it the next day and see how much you can reduce it again.  Stick to it!  This way you cut down on the aftermath of pantries full of unhealthy  foods waiting to cling to your hips and cupboards and toy boxes full of items that were not really needed or wanted. Recognise unrealistic expectations for what they are, and don't bend yourself out of shape trying to meet them.
2. The busier you are the more important it is to take 10. Mindfulness helps calm the body, still the mind and restore clarity.   Studies have confirmed that it will reduce your stress and anxiety levels, improve your memory and focus and boost your resilience. 10 minutes will make a big difference. It may not be easy at first, your mind will wander all the time and that is fine, just gently refocus it when you notice it happening.  I recommend the Headspace App to all of my clients, this provides 10 x 10 minute sessions.  Go easy on yourself, you will most likely be terrible at it at first! Perseverance is key.
3. Have a to do list and action a few of the quick and easy items to get the ball rolling thus creating a sense of accomplishment.   This gets you into action mode, then use this momentum to tackle the bigger items.  
4. Know yourself.  Don’t overcommit to things that will exhaust you.  It’s ok to say no or to postpone items that aren’t urgent until things quieten down.  Some social catch ups can be combined to save you time. You don't have to be all things to all people.
5. Send your inner critic on hiatus and instead cultivate a kinder inner dialogue. Overwhelm and stress can make us feel as though we are failing at life (you're not!), so an encouraging inner voice will be far more productive than one that’s even more demoralising. 
6. Don't  try to do several things at once.  By focusing on one task at a time you will get more done with fewer errors. Multitasking is an inefficient drain on mental energy.
7. Allow for 8 hours sleep.  Create a nice relaxing environment in the bedroom, avoid screens for an hour prior to your desired sleep time and use that hour for winding down. Sleep in a quiet, dark room.  If you have trouble falling asleep practice 4,7,8 breathing i.e. inhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 7 and exhale for a count of 8; repeat this allowing your body to relax until you drift off to sleep.
8. Make sure to eat properly.  A couple of hours  menu planning and preparing sets you up for the week and can save you time, money and unwanted calories.  When you organise yourself in this way you are less likely to give in to temptation as you have fewer choices to make (and use up your will power resisting) during the week. By ensuring you eat nutritious foods you keep your energy levels high  and generally feel better
9. Drink plenty of water.  Rushing around can lead to dehydration.  Dehydration slows the metabolism and may result in headaches and exhaustion. 
10. Take mental health breaks throughout the day — listen to your favourite music, stretch your body, take deep breaths, go outside to eat lunch, call a friend for a quick chat, pat the dog, do a puzzle; whatever represents a nice mental circuit breaker for you to interrupt the build up of stress.  Spotify playlists of songs that make you feel good to listen to in the car or at home can really lift your mood and recharge you for the day.

I hope these tips have been helpful and wish you all the best for Xmas and the New Year.  What is your goal for 2019?
Mine is to learn the guitar... 

#anxiety #stress #overwhelm #depression #loneliness #holidays #xmas #christmas
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Clients come to me for help with anxiety. They may have experienced a panic attack and now live in fear of the next one, or find themselves avoiding social situations, not speaking up at work or in school, overthinking,  lying awake at night worrying or  struggling through the day trying to appear ‘normal’ while inside their chest is tight, stomach is churning,  heart is pounding and they have a feeling of impending doom. There is often a common thread of self-criticism and fear of judgement by others. I experienced anxiety myself for many years so the things they describe are all too familiar to me.
I teach my clients how to manage their anxiety and process their emotions in a healthy adaptive way.  This process is accelerated by the use of Hypnosis and EFT. Understanding the internal emotional process is part of this.    
What are Emotions?
Emotions can be thought of as instinctive responses to life experiences which we have the power to modulate, but often don’t know how.
Emotions can be triggered by

• Our senses: Things we see, hear, smell, touch
• Drives/Instincts: Eg the drive to approach we perceive as good vs the drive to escape something we perceive as bad
• Response sets: These are responses which prepare us to take action. When this response is maladaptive the end result may be Anxiety Symptoms. 

Are emotions the same for everyone?
Just as some people are sensitive to allergens, some people are more sensitive to emotional triggers, they may also experience emotions with greater intensity and have more difficulty self soothing. People with higher sensitivity are more prone to anxiety disorders, self-doubt, depression, shyness and negative feelings.
How do our emotions make us different from other animals?

• Humans are the only animals that are self-conscious i.e. we can recognise that we’re feeling fear and make a judgement about how appropriate it is.
• We’re aware that other people may be able to see our emotional responses and this can make us feel vulnerable. 
• This tri-level awareness shapes and re-shapes how we experience emotions e.g. a humiliating experience may result in a more heightened response the next time we’re faced with a similar situation.

How do we experience our emotions:
Emotions are experienced between 3 levels of the self:

1. Public self : This is what we think others see of us.
2. Private self: This is the interpreter trying to interpret what’s being experienced and then regulate and process our core emotions accordingly. 
3. Experiential self (core emotions — primitive and designed to prime you for action which can feel overwhelming)

When the private self becomes overwhelmed it may resort to suppressing the emotions it doesn’t have the available resources to deal with. The private self can become stuck in this state of overwhelm and default to an increasingly self-critical, filtered interpretation of events experienced (I’m so stupid, It’s all my fault, nobody likes me) resulting in a glut of suppressed emotions. The longer a person is stuck in this state the more mental energy is required to continue keeping a lid on the build up of emotions. 
This then has a knock on effect of making the experiential self feel disregarded, invalidated, wounded and judged so a toxic internal conflict occurs. 
People who are sensitive to begin with are more likely to fall into this trap because their negative feelings require more resources to process. 
People in this state of overwhelm are often described as ‘bottling things up,' and this bottling up can lead to a build up in pressure resulting in an explosion or anxiety attack. 
6 Ways to safely process emotions and manage anxiety:

1. Understand how emotions work and are processed between the Public, private and experiential self. This gives the symptoms of anxiety meaning, and this meaning makes the anxiety more manageable.
2. Learn to tune in to your emotions and build a relationship with them. Your emotions are trying to tell you something about a need, value or goal of yours that is either being met (e.g. happiness) or disrupted (e.g. anger, shame, sadness, fear). Stop and listen to the message and use it to help you learn about your self and resolve the issue it relates to if necessary.
3. Name and acknowledge the feeling, tune in to what it’s communicating to you and why, notice where you feel the feeling in your body.
4. If an action response is triggered (adrenaline, feeling like you need to get away, sweating, shaky, trembling, tight chest, pounding heart etc). 
   • Acknowledge the anxiety symptoms and if you are not in physical danger acknowledge that “it’s ok, I know what’s been triggered, these feelings are not going to harm me, and I don’t need to take any physical action”.
   • Take slow deep breaths and slow down your thoughts.
   • Take a walk if you can.
   • Ground yourself by noticing 5 things you can see, 5 things you can hear, 5 things smell.     
5. Understand it’s human to feel emotions and that the thoughts you have in relation to it are just attempts at interpreting it, they are not facts.
   • Ask is this thought helpful? What is the evidence to support it?
6. When you’ve learned what you need too learn from the emotion, keep the lesson and acknowledge that the emotion has served its purpose and may now be released. When you let go of the emotion you free all the energy associated with it and that energy is then available to replenish your overall energy reserves.

If you would like to find out more about how I can help you overcome anxiety and overwhelming emotions please feel free to contact me using this form, you will also find more information on Anxiety Disorders and Anxiety Symptoms on this page, alternatively you can call me on 0435 923 817 for a chat.  If you would like to go ahead an book an appointment to come and see me you can do so at this link.

Worry is a thinking style triggered by the desire to solve or resolve a problem.  On the up side worry can sometimes result in a solution. If you are worrying about a current problem, and you worry constructively, worry in it's most adaptive form can help you chip away at a problem until you can find a solution.   However, on the downside, if you have not learned the skill of constructive worrying, you may experience instead,  chronic worry.  Chronic worry can:

A.
Become a habit which the brain thinks is a solution in its own right.
         Why does this happen? 

• Because when the thing you’re worrying about doesn’t happen, the brain concludes that the reason it didn’t happen is  because you were worrying about it!  So it will adapt worrying as a protective mechanism.  This partly explains why in spite of the fact that  even when most of what we worry about doesn’t happen we continue to worry anyway.

B.
Can become a way of keeping your mind busy so that you don’t have to deal with something the brain has filed (suppressed) in the box labelled generically as  “too hard”   deep in the sub-conscious mind.  

Overwhelm and the "too hard" box.

The brain does not update it’s filing unless the mind provides an instruction to do so; consequently the brain may label something “too hard” when you are 7 and still be  protectively suppressing that emotion or issue when you are 47, in spite of the fact that something that may have seemed overwhelming to your 7 year old self could be easily processed by your adult self.  

Similarly, the brain may  label a number of things too hard simply because there are too many things for you to process at once.  When there are too many things going on for your available emotional resources to deal with, this is considered to be a crisis; for example, If you discover your partner has been cheating, you’ve recently lost your job,  you don’t have any family support, you separate, you have to fight for your financial security, protect your kids, keep providing for them, and keep functioning as a now single parent; it’s likely the brain will use your available resources on the most critical aspects to your immediate survival and  file the rest under  “too hard”.

Wasting precious resources
While that’s a great short term survival tactic, the problem now is that  the “too hard stuff”, in spite of being filed,  is still running unprocessed below the surface, draining  your emotional resources like a leaking pipe.  Often because they’ve been filed generically as “too hard” during the crisis,  it is difficult for you to even distinguish what is down there. There may be  a raft of emotions including  shock, rage, disappointment, humiliation, bitterness, regret, hurt, resentment, sorrow, grief, fear, rejection, abandonment  and more; all appearing to be one huge overwhelming indistinguishable tsunami waiting to overwhelm you.

Guilt and inner conflict  sends feelings the same way as overwhelm:
Another example of how the brain may file emotions as  ‘too hard’ is if we are experiencing an emotion that is causing us cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance occurs when we hold conflicting beliefs such as “I love my mother and I want to help her now that she’s in financial trouble” vs “I resent my mother for being so reckless with her finances”.  We feel guilty about the latter  so our brain determines the guilt and resentment  to be "too hard" and files them accordingly.

Why do we worry so much at night?
During the day we distract ourselves in all kinds of ways, working, chores, family, friends, eating, smoking, drinking, gambling, shopping, gaming, scrolling, TV etc. We may avoid going to bed for as long as possible; aware that when we do try to go to sleep that our distraction options are limited.   We find that in that quiet time that we have a sense of  our suppressed emotions scratching  at the lid of that ‘too hard’ box and so our brain jumps in to protect us by running our ‘worry program’.    Round and round the thoughts go, to distract us from facing what may be waiting to escape  that pandora’s box  marked "too hard".

What can all this worry this lead to?

• Insomnia
• Loss of focus
• Poor memory
• Drop in resilience
• Poor Health, compromised immune system
• Anxiety
• Depression

How can we break this pattern?

If you have been worrying, and it’s affecting your quality of life,  therapy can provide you with  the support and guidance to help you learn to worry in a more constructive way and process any unresolved emotions that may be triggering the worry.  This doesn't mean digging up the past but rather just processing the feelings and emotions as they are experienced now. The processing  work is done in accordance with the resources you have available to you and at your pace so you will not be overwhelmed by it.

In my practice I use counselling, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique or Tapping)  and Hypnosis to help process the emotions.  Counselling facilitates  the sorting and understanding of conscious experiences while EFT and Hypnosis  helps resolve what needs to be resolved  at a sub-conscious level. 

Suppressed emotions are  often ‘felt’ as if they are stored the body.  This can manifest as  stress, anxiety, tension, pain, fatigue or even chronic illness. EFT helps to release them.  Studies have shown that EFT significantly reduces the levels of cortisol (stress hormone) in the body.

If you'd like to learn more or think you might like my help you can contact me using this contact form or call me on 0435 923 817

​In my next post I'll give some tips for processing emotions and reducing worry.

#worry #anxiety #depression #insomnia 

Our Psychological Foundations Are Built In Youth

It could be said that we are only as strong as the foundations we’re built upon. 
As we go through life we see people confident and self-assured seemingly gliding on a cloud of ease and self-belief, while other equally wonderful intelligent and talented people shrink in anxiety and self-doubt, missing opportunities because their eyes are fixed on the ground instead of ahead.  

Why are some people naturally confident while others are afraid?
It may be genetic predisposition, however it’s often due to the childhood experience of the people in question.
If you grow up in a household where you are treated with respect, treasured and feel safe, you become wired to feel worthy of respect, valued and safe.  If you grow up in a household where you are not allowed to have healthy boundaries, where you are put down, criticised, judged, abused and let down – you are wired to be vigilant and wary of where the next attack or painful disappointment is coming from.  Your base line for anxiety is set very high. Whether consciously or unconsciously you feel unsafe.  
 
Your energy is channelled into maintaining this hyper-vigilant state with little left to devote to developing your true authentic self, the you that you were meant to be had you had the nurturing and support  that you missed out on.
 
So how do you turn it around? 
Think about this, if you were living in a house and the walls were cracking and the floor buckling because the foundations were not up to the task of holding the house up – would you stay there as the house fell around you or would you  get the foundations fixed?
In order to fix the foundations would you need to travel back in time and dig them out at the moment they were first laid or would you fix them in the here and now?
You would of course fix them in the here and now.  You would call in an expert to evaluate what is needed to make the house safe and secure again and you would discuss with them how to go about rectifying the current situation.  You might even get a second opinion.  You would then arrange for the work to be done and commit to it.
There’s very little different in how you would go about ‘fixing’ your own psychological foundations.  When we grow up in a family home that hasn’t provided us with the love, nurturing and sense of safety required to build solid foundations, we call in an expert to help rectify the situation i.e. a Therapist. The therapist will then work with you to establish what needs to change in order to make your foundations solid. Usually you will have some  cracks and skill gaps.  These  can be filled as skills are learned, (don’t despair skills can be learned at any stage of life) given the right environment and the right help.

How can Hypnotherapy Help ?
As a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist I work with my clients in a variety of ways.  Always on two levels, the conscious level at which my clients have realised things could be better in their lives i.e.  there’s a part of them that wants to be out there doing more, mixing more, eating healthier, drinking less, being more successful, living more.   Then at the unconscious level where limiting beliefs and  unresolved emotions tend to lurk.    Often  there are damaged frightened parts of the personality holding them back. The part that says quietly ‘it’s not safe’, maybe not always in words, sometimes it’s a feeling e.g.  that feeling that comes over them when the night out they’ve been looking forward to is about to happen, the feeling that says ‘ no, cancel it, stay in, make an excuse’, the part of them that allows other people to take credit for their work, or talk over them or disrespect them in other ways because it whispers ‘if you speak up you’ll be rejected or attacked’.  The part of them that says ‘stay quiet’ even when they know the answer to the question being asked.   The part of them that makes them keep eating long after they’ve had enough, because it will make them feel better now, and ultimately it will make them invisible.
These damaged parts are all working hard to protect the whole person, their intentions are good, however they’ve been stuck in a time-warp in the persons psyche, where they believe the whole person is still a helpless child dependent on the reckless adults around them, whose only hope of survival is to avoid attention and exposure.    
In Hypnotherapy we work with these parts to find ways that they can learn to be a more constructive component of my clients mindset.  We provide them with new skills and tasks and build their confidence and most importantly we then teach them to all work in alignment, in synergy towards the goals of the whole person while teaching and reassuring them that the whole person is now an autonomous adult in control of their own life.  In doing so we create a strong foundation, on which my clients are able to build something wonderful for themselves, a loving home, a safe place, with solid boundaries and picture windows through which they can see a world of opportunities from their true self.
Would you like help making positive changes in your life?
If you’d like to find out more about Hypnotherapy here in Melbourne and Hypfocus and how I can help you overcome internal blocks please give me a call on 0435 923 817 or visit my website and drop me a line via one of the contact forms.  You are more than good enough!
Some issues that arise from damaged personal foundations:

• Anxiety
• Fears and Phobias
• Depression
• Eating Disorders (Over eating, emotional eating, binging, sugar addiction, anorexia, bulimia)
• Smoking 
• Skin Picking, Hair Pulling, Nail Biting
• IBS
• Chronic Pain (often triggered by unresolved emotions particularly anger)
• Addictions

Did you know that the average American sleeps 2 hours less on average today than they did in 1960? This statistic is probably true for the rest of the western world too.   We are staying away from our beds for longer than we used to and when we arrive in our beds we are often too stressed and stimulated to fall asleep.
 
Why does this matter?
 
Lack of sleep impairs our judgement, our ability to regulate our impulse control and creates attention deficit problems.  Sleep deprivation interferes with how our body and brain use energy and is thought to be a major contributor to the obesity epidemic.  Yes lack of sleep can make you fat!
 
Children’s sleep habits often replicate the habits of their parents in spite of the fact that children need a lot more sleep to grow and develop.  It is thought that lack of sleep may be a factor in the increase in diagnosis for ADHD. 
 
This lack of sleep  has been exacerbated in the past decade by access to smart phones and other hand held devices the use of which are now seeing children (and adults!) stay awake later than their parents ever did for fear of missing out on something critical wheter it be on social media or the wider news cycle resulting in the rise in popularity of anagram FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).  Scrolling mindlessly through newsfeeds and participating in inane conversations into the early hours is dumbing us down as a species.
 
Tired people with high stress levels are operating at a huge disadvantage to people who are relaxed and well rested.  This disadvantage is reflected in their work performance, academic results, the health of their relationships, their appearance and their physical health.
 
What most of us now consider adequate sleep is really more like just enough to enable us to scrape through the day at about 40% of our potential while amped up on coffee and any other stimulants we can lay our hands on.
 
When we go to bed it’s during the first third of our allocated sleeping time that we sleep most deeply, we move into deep sleep quickly when we are tired from the day (this is a good argument for avoiding long naps) and we are least likely to be woken up by a slight disturbance during this phase. This part of the sleep cycle also known as slow wave sleep (SWS)  is the most restorative part of our sleep. Our sympathetic nervous system activity is lessened (fight flight response readiness) and cortisol levels (stress hormone) are low.  Instead of 'fight and flight' go instead into ‘rest and digest’ mode during which we consolidate memories, and our brain is prepared for learning and alertness the next day.  SWS keeps us in optimal health and improves our overall functioning.

• If you wake up regularly feeling tired – avoid taking long naps, particularly late in the day. The length of slow wave sleep is proportionate to how long you’ve been awake, so if you take a long late afternoon nap your awake time will only be calculated from the time you woke up from your nap to the time you went to bed that night e.g. If you get up at 7am and go to bed at 11pm your SWS time will be proportionate to 16 waking ours, if you take a nap at 4pm to 4.30pm your SWS will only be proportionate to 6.5 hours of  being awake.  Nana naps have become fashionable however senior moments havne’t taken off with quite the same gusto, so perhaps consider how the two may be related before you give into the urge to go for that next nap ;0
• Avoid the stimulants.  Coffee, Nicotine, Coke, Redbull etc.  the stimulant is not intuitive , it won't know at what time you want it to stop working,  obligingly keep you awake during the day and then switch off it’s effects when your head hits the pillow.
• Avoid screens for at least an hour before bed.  What to do instead?  Read a book, meditate, craft, colour, chat, pat the dog/cat, take a bath, do your nails, face mask, hair mask, write a journal, think of 3 things to be grateful for, think of 3 things you’ve done well lately, think of 3 things you’ve seen that were beautiful, think of 3 examples of people being nice , 3 places you'd like to visit etc. 
• Enjoy a camomile tea before bed
• Practice 5 minutes of diaphragmatic  breathing – inhale for a count of 4, hold for a count of 2 and exhale for a count of 8.
• Give yourself 5 minutes to worry then close that s$$t off! Write down any thoughts or worries you think might require further consideration the next day then let them all go until morning.

 
Unresolved issues, emotions or vigilance that is being maintained in response to a long past threat still active in the subconscious can contribute to restless sleep with, sometimes the brain has learned the habit of wakefulness and needs to relearn the protocol for restful sleep.  Hypnotherapy can help with this, retraining your  brain through hypnosis, to slip into that beneficial slow wave sleep where restoration, replenishment, renewal and recharging occurs.
 
If you’d like to find out how I can help you please feel free to call me on 0435 923 817.  My Hypnotherapy Clinic is located in Mentone South East Melbourne and I also see people online via Skype or Zoom.  Hypnotherapy for Insomnia is fast and effective.

​For more information on what causes insomnia visit our Hypnotherapy for Insomnia page at this link

As  a Hypnotherapist specialising in Anxiety Disorders I'm frequently asked for quick tips to help people manage anxiety.  There is no substitute for therapy if anxiety is negatively impacting the quality of your life, however having tools that you can use to manage anxiety will make life much easier. 

Here are 10 tips designed to help reduce the symptoms of anxiety:

1. Don’t believe your negative thoughts, thoughts are not facts - you can challenge them, if they’re not helpful let them go.Holding on to them doesn’t help anyone and will just waste your energy, let them go.
2. Don’t stay up too late - not getting enough sleep contributes to anxiety.Avoid stimulants, coffee, Redbull, Coke and Nicotine.
3. Limit alcohol, alcohol can lead to panic attacks for people prone to anxiety.
4. If your breathing becomes shallow,  slow your breathing down, try to exhale twice as slowly as you inhale. A good ratio for breathing is to inhale counting to 4, hold for 2 and exhale counting to 8.
5. Try to avoid avoiding.  The more you avoid something that makes you uncomfortable or frightened the more it will make you feel uncomfortable and frightened.
6. Stop holding yourself to a higher standard than everyone else.Talk to  yourself the way you’d talk to a friend, be supportive and encouraging and focus on your successes not your failures.
7. Exercise, get moving every day, just a 20 minute walk can vastly improve your mental health. Swimming is a very soothing, calming exercise worth considering.
8. Tell people how you’re feeling.Talking releases a lot of the build up uncomfortable feelings and thoughts that can accumulate for people with anxiety. If there’s nobody around in the moment, write down your feelings, name them and consider them.
9. Listen to music that you enjoy.
10. Chew gum - studies show it reduces stress, increases blood flow to the brain and improves mood.

If you'd like help dealing with anxiety or panic disorders please feel free to give me a call to discuss how I can help you.  My number is 0435 923 817.  You can find some further information on Hypnotherapy for Anxiety in Melbourne by clicking this link

My Hypnotherapy  practice is located in Mentone, South East Melbourne.

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Spring is almost upon us, nature is showing signs of renewal and change and many of us are inspired by this to contemplate what changes we'd like to make in our own lives.

It's always a good time to consider ways in which we can grow as human beings, even if for our personal journey that means shrinking physically by loosing some excess weight, or by eliminating an unwanted habit or behaviour.  Spring shows us that change is not only possible but constant.

Nature has a plan and therefore makes progress from one season to the next.  If we have a plan  we increase our own chances of progressing through the stages of the change we want to make. 

If you're setting out  somewhere it's good to know where it is you want to get to and why.  This is how motivation is created. Often we have vague ideas about dropping a few kilos but we don't really work out why that matters to us and how it will change our lives. Exploring what we are going to gain by making a change gives us a Goal to aim for.  It's much more effective to look at the big picture, the end goal rather than focus on losing that first kilo, similar to when you're driving if you focus on the bonnet of the car chances are you'll weave all over the road, if you focus further down the road you'll drive a straight course.

Once we have decided on the goal, then we can determine what it's going to take to get us there.  Sometimes the journey looks tough, maybe we've tried to set out before and ended up back where we started, there is no shame in getting help if you feel  there is something blocking your progress.

Many of our unwanted behaviours are driven by subconscious beliefs, and only when we clear the underlying limiting belief will our subconscious allow us to make the change we want.   If your subconscious believes that food is your best option when you require comfort then it's often unlikely that consciously deciding to stop comfort eating will work, because as far as you subconscious is concerned this is a valid and proven solution to a problem.  When we try to consciously change this our critical factor will often get in the way with protective excuses like "one more won't hurt" "I deserve a treat" etc.   The same applies to smoking.  
Anxious feelings stem from our survival mechanism, if there's a  subconscious perception of a threat then your brain will trigger symptoms of anxiety such as heart palpitations, chest pain, sweating, trembling, overthinking etc.  your brain is trying to protect you so it wont stand down it's defense's simply because you try to suppress the feelings, it will persist in trying to protect you until the perceived threat has been addressed, this can be done very effectively with Hypnosis and EFT.

Hypnosis  fast tracks change by bypassing the critical factor and addressing the subconscious directly, Hypnotherapy resolves fears and habituated patterns by either resolving the root cause or simply redirecting the patterns to a more healthy and beneficial pattern of behaviour.

If you'd like to find out more please don't hesitate to contact me on 0435 923 817 or by using the contact form at the bottom of this page.

For Information on my Hypnotherapy Practice in Mentone Melbourne visit my home page and various other pages specific to Anxiety, Weight Loss, IBS, Quit Smoking  and more